before today, or rather…. even till today, i still wonder what could have happened had i chosen a different action.. alot of thinking, wondering, hoping, missing and, the one thing that should not be done(yet i still do occasionally) – regretting.

but this post isn’t gonna be about what i wanted to do differently; it’s that i have gradually come to a closure.

cos thinking about what happened, wondering about what happened when i wasn’t around, hoping that one day you two would take the initiative to call/ talk to me, missing the company doesn’t help. it just brings my mood down, make me feel alone , unwanted and most of all, depressed.

but then i started to think, “was it really worth being depressed and sad? when you were probably having a good time enjoying each others’ company?” and ,”yeah, i become moody and sad but so what? the world still revolves, i still have to go to work, my habits still haven’t changed..”

at first, i was angry at the both of you for not contacting me even though i was the one who decided to stop contacting both of u first. like a kid, i craved attention. after a while, i moved on to feeling hurt, pitiful for myself…. then, i’d finally decided.. i was probably better off without the two of you… and that likewise, you two would be better off without me.

i don’t know if u are ever going to read this, but if u do, understand that i type this with no intention of hurting anyone. if you do read and get hurt/angry, i sincerely apologize with all of my heart. but i hope you read with an open heart and mind..

to the girl: i really, really, REALLY dislike to use the word,’regret’. so i mean it when i use it.

i regret that things turned out this way between the both of us.honest.

recently, i went to read my blog from my secondary school days and there were alot of posts about us.

about how i loved to go to your house, how u taught me maths, how we used to watch dramas instead of studying, how we spent time playing with hair stuff, about when we used to go out to countdown, about meeting ppl online for the 1st time together.. i miss it. i still do.

it’s no one person’s fault things turned out this way….if i were to blame it, i’ll say that all of us had a part to play.

what’s happened has happened. no matter what, i just wanted to say – one thing i have not, do not and will not regret is being friends with you. maybe u think otherwise…i don’t know…but all i know is that i’ll cherish the memories i had with you.

so i mean it when i say/type this :

Sorry that it turned out this way

Thank you for everything good AND bad, and lastly, take good care of yourself.

I don’t think we’ll be in contact anytime soon….perhaps a few years down the road, we’ll have a get-together and talk about old times and who knows? have a good laugh about it even!

I wish you all the best and please, be more sensible and mature.

to the other person,

i’ve never known someone like you before. it was really interesting and fun to spend time with. if we meet again a few years later, maybe i can tell u the things i’ve never dared to.

you’re a really manipulative person and abit of a sneaky one too. you’re selfish and show a black face most of the time… you are observant but not very.. i’ll miss riding on your motorbike, feeling the wind against my hand and trying to drink as if competing against the both of you..

because of you, i did things i never did before….like bungee jumping and all… but i won’t regret because it was what i wanted.

the difference between you and me is that once i know what i want, i will do my best to get it … as for you, even if you know what you want, u tend to put others before yourself…my advice is, be a little bit more selfish on those occasions u need to, if not u’ll be at the losing end.

thanks for accompanying me every time i wanted to walk a little bit more…

i’ll miss your contagious laughter, making fun of you and miss listening to your dreams of the future…

but this is where it ends. take care of her for me, will you? and take good care of yourself too.even it the going gets tough and a lot of problems pile up to the point you think u’re going to breakdown, keep thinking, ” i can handle this.”

i believe in you so please, believe in yourself.

to the both of you:

i missed your company when we stopped contacting each other… because most of my social life was with the both of you…christmas, 31 dec, 8-9 jan, the countless times we drank together and went for supper at the old place…

you guys were the only people that was willing to spend time till the wee hours just drinking and having fun with…

I won’t be a fool and make promises like,” i’ll be there for you” anymore unless i mean it..

now that all this has ended, it’s time i grew up too..

thank you for putting up with my faults and being my friends for so long…. you both will be in my memories…no hard feelings harboured whatsoever..

really, i hope that we can meet up a few years down the road and just have a good chat about the old times….

Thank you both for the good memories as well as the bad and goodbye.

(P.S. this post isn’t intended to harm anyone emotionally, psychologically or physically…it’s just to let my opinions out.. it’s time i let go. =) peace out. )

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